Quotes 1/28/12

“The problem with this part of the world is they have too many fairy tales.” – dialogue from the 1970 film The Vampire Lovers



“Work that pole like a Russian immigrant!” – dialogue from the 2009 film Date Night


“Everybody is looking for the American Dream, but it’s a sucker’s bet.” – dialogue from the 2009 film My One and Only



“ ‘Piffle, man, piffle,’ exploded Iffy in reply. ‘A minor detail. Did Columbus stop investigating the globe because he couldn’t eat it? Did the flavor of the apple that hit Newton on the head affect his theory of gravity, eh?’” – Bruce Dickinson, from his novel The Adventures of Lord Iffy Boatrace



“Reality and unreality, logic and illogic live side by side in similar forms – two parallel rails that never cross. We mentally drive with a wheel in each. A politician who is supposedly as solid as a rock relies on the revelations of a spiritualistic medium. A religious figure who tells us he has transcended this world spends his evenings figuring out ways to avoid taxes. . . Completely avoid the illogical rail and you’ll end up with a cold heart, but lean too far towards it and people will think you’re crazy. Either way, you’re likely to crash.” – Miyuki Miyabe, from her novel The Sleeping Dragon



“Real or not, that’s not something you want to be flashing around like the ass end of a sea donkey!” – dialogue from the 2009 film The Last Lovecraft: Relic of Cthulhu



“I have a great respect for the Chinese. As a nation they possess that elusive thing, poise, which I sometimes think we [Americans] are losing.” – Sax Rohmer, creator of the character Fu Manchu, in a 1938 article refuting the English-perceived “yellow peril” [fear of nationalistic Chinese in the Western Hemisphere]



“ ‘I’m a great believer in doing things for oneself. The minute you start bringing in officialdom, you’re lost.’ “ – Graham Masterton, from his novel Walkers



“Check out those barbarian idiots with their cockamamie farce of a legal system, locking people up for fishy reasons and putting criminals to death. Good thing Americans put an end to all that nonsense long ago.” – Sarah Vowell, commenting on the 1692 Salem Witch Trials in her non-fiction book The Wordy Shipmates



“I overdone my fun and so poked my paw in the bear trap.” – dialogue from the 1955 film The Kentuckian



“ ‘Smell’ doesn’t begin to touch it. Even ‘stench’ is inadequate. Another word is needed. Perhaps ‘reek,’ or ‘miasma,’ or possibly ‘fetor.’ You could have planted beans in his body odor. Some said it would show up on radar. Paint discolored as he walked by. Flies dropped from the sky behind him.” – Spider Robinson, from his novel Very Bad Deaths



“All bands eventually break up because of one or more of the four P’s: power, property, prestige, p*ssy.” – Dave Mustaine, from his autobiography Mustaine (co-authored with Joe Layden)



“I’d like to strap her on and wear her like a gas mask.” – dialogue from the 2008 film The Messenger



“Never make life decisions with a hard-on and a fifth of tequila.” – dialogue from the animated television show Ugly Americans (Season 1, episode #1: “Pilot”; original air date: 3/17/10)



“Sex designed to procreate? Uhchh! F**kin’ gross!” – dialogue from the animated television show Metalocalypse (Season 3, episode #6: “Fertilityklok”; original air date: 9/26/10)



“Having a baby is like getting a DUI from the universe.” – comedienne Natasha Leggero, from her comedy special Comedy Central Presents: Natasha Leggero (original air date: 3/25/11)



“I don’t mean this in a gross way, but kids are going to have a major hard-on for you.” – dialogue from The Sarah Silverman Program (Season 3, episode #1: “The Silverman and the Pillows”; original air date: 2/11/10)



“Diabolical d*ck-shrinking motherf**ker!” – dialogue from the 2009 film Black Dynamite

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Quotes lists are posted on the 12th and the 28th of every month.