Apeship by Carlton Mellick III

 

(pb; 2024: third book in the Apes**t series)

From the back cover

“An intolerable prick takes his weird daughter, his college-aged girlfriend, her douchey brother, and her awkward best friend on a boating trip to show off his new yacht. But when they come across an abandoned cruise ship in the middle of the ocean, they find themselves hunted by a group of sadistic mutant killers hellbent on keeping them as their immortal playthings for all eternity.”

 

Review

Mellick returns to the risible, out-there horror of the pink crystals (which keep the dead, however mutilated, alive and alert) with Apeship, this time set on the ocean, first on “Daddy Cool”’s yacht (The Crotch Moistener) and later on the long-lost-at-sea The Pacific Princess (its exterior seen in the first season of the television show The Love Boat, 1977-87). As with the first book, Apes**t, there’s little/no explanation how the decades-at-sea Pacific Princess became a floating home to the pink crystals and new(?) mutants, so those craving backstories in their entertainment might see that as lacking; if Mellick writes a fourth Apes**t novella—an idea he mused about recently—he might do what he did in Clusterf**k and provide more background about the pink crystals and specific characters.

Another recurring Apes**t element: cringey characters with strange and wild secrets. This time out, they’re less cringey and almost likeable at times. Also revisited are Mellick’s piss takes on political correctness and generational differences (e.g., the ‘r word,’ cultural appropriation), 1970s/1980s television, sex (tacky, gory, horrific), and other social affronts, all spot-on hilarious, and not recommended for the easily offended.

For the rest of us who appreciate deviant humor, unkillable mutants and often-horrible people, Apeship may prove to be a laugh-out-loud, equally over-the-top entry in the Apes**t series.

 

Note to new Apes**t readers: Apeship can be read without reading the books before it. They also can be read in any order. That said, those who enjoy the series may get more enjoyment reading them in publication order because they are loosely linked via character. In this most recent Apes**t entry, Lily and her father (Blaise, aka “Daddy Cool”) are cousin and uncle to frat bro “Extreme Dean” (from Clusterf**k)—early on in Apeship it’s noted that he “went missing last fall.”