Elvira: The Boy Who Cried Werewolf by Elvira with John Paragon

 

(pb; 1998: YA novel. Third novel in the Elvira trilogy.)

From the back cover

“I thought I had bad hair days!

“I’ve dealt with wolves before, but never like this. The kind I’m used to are all bark, no bite. They howl, they drool, and who do you think gets stuck with the check? I mean fangs a lot, fellas!

“Now my young friend Whitney keeps trying to convince me he’s a werewolf. As if, I mean, I like a good practical choke as much as the next ghoul. But if this kid doesn’t give it up soon, he’s off to his tomb with no supper.

“There he is now. Look at him. What’s with all the fur? And those fangs—hasn’t he heard about caps? Still. . . the blood looks pretty real. That arm in his mouth, too. You don’t think. . .

“Jeepers creepers! I better give Whitney a yelping hand before the neighbors scare up some silver bullets. I tell ya, a ghoul’s work is never done!”

Review

Caveat: (possible) reference spoilers in review. 

The third and final Elvira novel, not linked to the 1973 or 2010 films, is my favorite book in this bunch. In Boy, a rest stop trailer gypsy curses one of Elvira’s adolescent, easily influenced friends (Whitney Benedict) with lycanthropy just as a string of bloody (briefly but not gratuitously described), full-moon murders terrorize Elvira’s chosen town, Beaver Hills. Is Whitney the furry killer, or is it the craven Dmitri Ouspensky (son of the gypsy) or Officer Paul Tanner (the wolfishly aggressive and charming cop who’s won Elvira’s heart)? As the body count mounts, Elvira, with help from Kimberly Henning (Whitney’s girlfriend), investigates, risking their lives and the lives of those around them.

Like the first two standalone books, double-entendres and horror film references/set-ups are seamlessly, often hilariously baked into the deftly paced storyline, a work suited for older teens who are familiar with the horror host’s work. Appropriately, references are made to The Wolf Man (1941), I Was a Teenage Werewolf (1957), and The Howling (1981) as well as A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) and Stephen King (specifically his 1983 novel Christine, which resulted in a same-year John Carpenter-helmed film). What elevates the Elvira novels above other “light”/young adult books is that it balances horror and humor in equal measure, an excellent terror-flick introduction work worth owning (if you can find it for a reasonable price, it’s an out-of-print book).

Elvira: Camp Vamp by Elvira with John Paragon

 

(pb; 1997: YA novel. Second book in the Elvira trilogy.)

From the back cover

“Me? Elvira? Camping? Take a hike!

“Sleeping outdoors in nature is not my idea of a good time—it sounds so unnatural. But how could I refuse the Happy Campers? The girls were desperate enough to ask me to be their chaperone. And why not? I’m as campy as they come!

“First, I followed the Happy Camper Motto (Be Over-Prepared) and packed the three basic beauty groups: clothes, make-up, and plenty of hairspray. The essentials. Then, we headed for the hills at the crack of dawn (my bedtime).

“Someone tried to warn us about the legendary killer beast. But did we listen? Not. Even the human skulls along the trail didn’t scare us. But when our tents got shredded by giant claws, I knew this was no secret admirer. This freak needed a manicure!

“Now it’s up to me to soothe the savage beast—or the Happy Campers could be turned into an unhappy meal.”

 

Review

The second Elvira novel is a fun, fast-moving, wordplay- and double-entendre flirty YA (think mid-to older teens readers) work, more low-key than Elvira: Transylvania 90210 until its last-few-pages and briefly PG-violent and bloody Reveal/climax which fans of The Hills Have Eyes (1977), My Bloody Valentine (1981) and Wrong Turn (2003) may appreciate. Some of these elements might run a big dark for non-horror fans, but the elements, along with Elvira/Cassandra Peterson and Paragon’s effective use of iconic horror imagery, are mostly tell don’t show, so it’s generally adolescent friendly.

Camp Vamp, like Transylvania, works as a standalone, 169-page book, one that’s worth checking out, whether you’re an Elvira fan or a general PG-rated horror fan—bear in mind Transylvania, Camp Vamp and its follow-up, Elvira: The Boy Who Cried Werewolf, are out of print and often pricy.

Elvira: Transylvania 90210 by Elvira with John Paragon

 

(pb; 1996: YA novel. First book in the Elvira trilogy.)

 

From the back cover

“I’m Elvira. Mistress of the Dark. Welcome to my nightmare.

“Think it’s easy being a glamour ghoul? Think again.

“My love life is so dead I have to dig up dates with a shovel. My bad hair days would make a werewolf eat a silver bullet. And my neighbors, well. . . my neighbors suck blood!

“You see, these weirdos just moved in next door, and their taste in furniture is early Mausoleum—I’m talking caskets here. Their servant is a total Igor. They only come out at night. And they seem to prefer a liquid diet, if you know what I mean. There goes the neighborhood!

“I like vampires as much as the next ghoul. But when they start chomping on my friends, look out. The new creeps on the block are about to receive a little visit—from Elvira’s unwelcome wagon.”

 

Review

Narrated by Cassandra Peterson’s sarcastic, smart Goth ghoulish alter ego, Transylvania is a consistently entertaining, funny-quip-filled young adult novel with PG-rated double entendre adult overtones (I’d recommend this for older teens). While reading it, I could hear Peterson/Elvira’s voice, Transylvania's silliness, horror and tone Elvira-true, and its quick-moving plot playfully dispensing with cliches, even as Elvira and her teenage friends figure out what to do when the vampiric Sevil Alucard and his bug-eating servant (Skreech) come to town. This 169-page book, out of print and pricy, is a thoroughly enjoyable romp, as fun as watching either of her movies or her any of her movie-host shows. Worth seeking, this.  Followed by Elvira: Camp Vamp.