Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Clusterfuck by Carlton Mellick III

(pb; 2013: loosely linked sequel to Apeshit)

From the back cover:

"A bunch of douchebag frat boys get trapped in a cave with subterranean cannibal mutants and try to survive not by using their wits but by following the bro code . . . From master of bizarro fiction Carlton Mellick III, author of the international cult hits Satan Burger and Adolf in Wonderland, comes a violent and hilarious B movie in book form. Set in the same woods as Mellick's splatterpunk satire Apeshit, Clusterfuck follows Trent Chesterton, alpha bro, who has come up with what he thinks is a flawless plan to get laid. He invites three hot chicks and his three best bros on a weekend of extreme cave diving in a remote area known as Turtle Mountain, hoping to impress the ladies with his expert caving skills.

"But things don't quite go as Trent planned. For starters, only one of the three chicks turns out to be remotely hot and she has no interest in him for some inexplicable reason. Then he ends up looking like a total dumbass when everyone learns he's never actually gone caving in his entire life. And to top it all off, he's the one to get blamed once they find themselves lost and trapped deep underground with no way to turn back and no possible chance of rescue. What's a bro to do? Sure he could win some points if he actually tried to save the ladies from the family of unkillable subterranean cannibal mutants hunting them for their flesh, but fuck that. No slam piece is worth that amount of effort. He'd much rather just use them as bait so that he can save himself.

"It's Tucker Max versus The Descent in this gore-filled comedy for the camp horror fan."


Clusterfuck is a worthwhile sequel to Apeshit, as gory, bizarro, entertaining and full-of-dislikable-characters as its predecessor story. (I do not include the trip-reluctant and mostly-smart Lance in Clusterfuck as one of those characters.)

More slapstick comedic and longer than Apeshit, Clusterfuck answers many of the questions set up by the first book. Apeshit is more intense than it sequel, but that is not a criticism of Clusterfuck. (Given how wild and great that first "Turtle Mountain" story is, it would be near-impossible for Mellick -- or any author -- to top that, within the "Turtle Mountain" storyline.) Chance are, if you like Apeshit you will also enjoy Clusterfuck.

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